Frequently in the career and leadership coaching work I do with professionals, my clients bring up difficult situations they faced within their families that left emotional scars. Often, there are active remnants from the past of pain, insecurity, and helplessness, and if they haven’t done the deep internal work to heal that pain, it’s carried forward for many years afterward.
One common challenge I’ve seen occurs when families respond negatively to a member’s growing wealth and success. Families who’ve struggled to earn enough money or have stayed stagnant in their mindset can often feel left behind by a member who’s gone on to be extremely successful. And the family’s lack of understanding or support is often very difficult for the individual to deal with.
To learn more about this dynamic and how to overcome it, I caught up with Jeremy Adams. Jeremy grew up in a trailer park, spending his childhood in a poor neighborhood with no expectation that he’d grow up to reach any level of financial success. Jeremy is now a 2018 Forbes 30 Under 30 recipient and the founder of several companies including the world’s largest food truck manufacturer Prestige Food Trucks and a $6 million company with Shark Tank’s Kevin Harrington. Jeremy is currently the cofounder of Unicorn Innovations.
Adams shared openly with me that, as he continues to grow as an entrepreneur, his family has been resistant to his expanding success. He’s shared that “I feel they not only don’t understand what I do in my work, but they also don’t seem to appreciate the work I’ve done to achieve success. And they neglect to understand the lifestyle I’ve adopted as a successful entrepreneur.”
Adams offers powerful advice and strategies for overcoming strained family relationships so you can shift your mindset and move forward to your highest potential without being burdened by guilt. Below, he shares openly about growing up around money struggles and how he overcame his challenges.
Kathy Caprino: What was it like to grow up deeply struggling financially?
Jeremy Adams: For me, it was actually rather normal, and I didn’t know any better until maybe middle school. I started noticing kids having nicer material items than me, nicer houses than me, families took more trips, etc. It started making me really insecure to invite people over and introduce them to my family and see where I lived, especially when it came to any girls I was interested in. I got my first job right when I turned 16 at Bob Evans. I was very money-motivated years after. I thought money would make me happier, more confident, get the girls, etc.
Looking back at it now, I realize that biggest strain was that money controlled a lot of our household. My family lived much of their life chasing money and working week to week, never actually getting ahead. My step dad finished his degree and became a teacher when I was in high school, so things did improve a bit, but the “poor” mindset was ingrained at that point. I got caught in a trap of comparing myself to others which NEVER will have a good outcome.
The initial motivating factor for me wanting wealth /earning income was just to have nicer things than my “peers” so I didn’t feel as bad about myself. I realized a couple years into my first business that no matter what level I reached, there are still always going to be more successful people, with nicer things. In one of my favorite newer books, 12 Rules For Life, Jordan Peterson recommends that you never compare yourself to others, only compare yourself to who you were yesterday.
Caprino: What was it like to grow up in a neighborhood and surrounding area with little wealth or aspirations?
Adams: That’s one of the reasons being poor was normal. Having any type of wealth was almost just a fairytale to me. No one in my family was close to anyone with wealth. My grandfather on my father’s side has had a small animal feed store for many years, and did okay, but we never really talked with him and haven’t seen him now in probably five years. Access to information was what set me apart, as well as the confidence that I could achieve what I put my mind to.
As far back as I can remember, I’d just tell my family I was going to be rich. And as mentioned, at that time, my motivating factor for being rich was basically to live a more quality life when it came to materials, restaurants, vacations, or similar. At 28 years old, I still have not reached all of my financial goals, but I don’t have to work by necessity because I have built a basic level of financial security. Year by year, I am able to be more selective with my time and take on opportunities that get me excited. I am not 100% sure about what my exact purpose is in life, but I know I get the most joy and happiness out of helping others reach their business dreams. I believe anyone can achieve what they put their mind too.
Caprino: How different are your current surroundings from when you were a child?
Adams: As a child, I remember just a normal life. Watching a lot of TV, eating junk food, and being told to do my homework. I didn’t really have a reason why, just that it was important to do it, and I’d get in a lot of trouble if I didn’t. I just went through the motions.
Now, my life is that of growth, freedom and choices. I am reading at least two books a month. I travel the world. I work with multiple coaches the help me grow in all areas of life. I have launched multiple businesses. I am focused on generating wealth because it allows me to live a more stress- free life and follow my purpose and passions. Some of which I am still gaining clarity on, but I am determined to gain 100% clarity.
Caprino: What do you have in common with your family? What did/do you talk about with your family members – then and now?
Adams: My parents got divorced when I was two years old. I lived with my mom and step dad and rarely saw my father most of my life, although we did talk on the phone. He’s a baseball fan like me, so we always talked baseball on the phone. As far as my mom and step dad are concerned, we always got along well, but never had a lot in common. In 2018, its mostly me trying to motivate them to make large changes and improvements in their life. Because I know they are capable of achieving anything they want. They occasionally ask me what I’m up to, which to me feels like they are living somewhat vicariously through me.
Caprino: What do you agree/disagree with regarding your family?
Adams: The main thing is mindset. Most people, including most of my family, are great at pointing out problems, and rarely coming up with and acting upon solutions. Can’t pay the bills? Come up with ways to earn more money. Upset with certain areas of life? Read a book or learn from an expert on how to fix it. Hate your job? Hang around people that love their careers and learn from them.
These solutions seem basic to me, but many people just complain and never take action. This is what I have really been preaching. Overall, I had a decent childhood, and I am grateful for a lot. But we all have areas of improvement. It’s just shocking about how few of us are committed to growing and taking action.
I am still somewhat uncertain about where my initial confidence came from. From the beginning, I didn’t know how I would do things, I just knew I could figure it out. The initial motivation was extremely simple. As soon as I was willing and able, I wanted to improve my quality of life. Growing up, almost everyone I knew lived paycheck to paycheck. I remember friends’ parents fighting and complaining about money. Complaining about jobs. Complaining about everything. I demand a life of positivity and abundance. When we gain clarity in that department, then I feel we can truly start living life.
Caprino: What would you say to millions of people in a similar situation?
Adams: Education is a great equalizer. It can give information and confidence to people in just about any situation and help them break out of it. At least in the U.S., and other first/second world countries.
Caprino: Do you view your prior situation as a positive or negative?
Adams: At the time I hated it. Now I feel like it was a great experience and gave me tons of perspective. It also gave me an amazing work ethic, because I still remember having little in life and I am determined to never get to that place again.
Caprino: What are your five top pieces of advice for entrepreneurial success?
Adams: My top five are:
- Be addicted to education. Read books, listen to podcasts, and consume information that will challenge your mind.
- Find great mentors. Do whatever it takes to get around people that will help you grow.
- You’re the average of the five people you’re around the most. Get rid of your loser friends.
- Know that no one ever has everything figured out. People viewed as the experts/leaders have as many challenges as anyone. You’re not alone, and the BS you are going through is 100% normal.
- Money won’t make you happy. But it will give you the freedom to figure out what does.
Caprino: What is your advice to those who feel as though they are held back from achieving greatness because of a roadblock (whether it’s being a single parent, growing up low-income, etc.)?
Adams: This is really all perspective. You can view your situation as either positive or a negative. You can look at anything in your life as a bad situation or a learning experience. For example, a friend of mine spent multiple years in prison and actually used it as leverage to get the job he wanted when he was out of prison.
Basically, he told the employer that no one would ever work as hard and be more disciplined as him because if he makes a mistake, he goes back to prison for life potentially. Don’t be afraid to leverage your past as to why you’d be the best fit for any opportunity.
For more information, visit unicorninnovations.com.
To build more success and reward in your career, take Kathy Caprino’s Amazing Career Project 16-week online course and tune into her podcast FindingBrave.org.
Originally published at Forbes