Several weeks ago, I was working with a very bright and accomplished mid-level female client (let’s call her Janice) around building her executive presence. We had an intriguing conversation about her perception of what “executive presence” is and why she feels she doesn’t have enough of it.
In teasing out what she felt was missing, she shared that her biggest concern was how she appeared in meetings with senior leaders and managers. She deeply feared appearing as if she didn’t know enough, and would be judged negatively, especially when presenting data and other material in front of the top leaders. She worried too about “What if they ask me a question I can’t answer? What do I do?”
I asked if this had ever happened (that she didn’t know an answer in a meeting), and she said “no.” In fact, she’d always been praised by senior leaders for how she handled herself and her presentations, and her boss was consistently very pleased with her performance.
I find this phenomenon very common among the mid- to high-level professional women I work with. They suffer from the same feeling of not being “good enough” in their work and their roles, no matter what they do and even when they’re performing wonderfully in the job. I experienced this myself in my corporate life. This is a core part of the damaging “impostor syndrome” we hear so much about. I’ve also witnessed this as one of the seven most damaging “power gaps” that so many professional women experience today This gap – of not recognizing one’s own special talents, abilities and accomplishments, and leveraging them fully – makes women live in constant fear of being “found out” for what they believe they don’t know.
Back to my client…Janice asked what I perceived “executive presence” to be, and I shared my take, based on 18 years in corporate life and from coaching, speaking and training audiences of professionals around the country.
In my view, “executive presence” is a critical mix of the following ingredients, traits and behaviors:
Confidence – Demonstrating through the way you speak, behave and engage that you believe in yourself and in your ability to succeed and thrive
Authority – Possessing the power and influence to make things happen, and also serving as an authority about the area you’re responsible for. This includes possessing a mastery of the key information necessary to make effective decisions
Strong communication – Speaking and listening in ways that move the discussion forward, and fostering a space where diverse ideas are appreciated and embraced
Contribution – Being comfortable bringing new thoughts, ideas and innovations to the table and going out on a limb where necessary to think outside of the box and share unconventional ideas that may lead to growth
Holding your own – Being able to stand your ground when challenged, and present coherent arguments for why you see things as you do
Calmness and balance – Not appearing nervous, but rather, seeming self-assured, calm and in control
Leadership – Understanding the role you play as a leader and sharing your vision and purpose, but at the same time, being comfortable serving as a consummate team player and helping others shine for the great work they’re doing
Emotional strength – Demonstrating strong boundaries, and not becoming defensive or unhinged when others clash with you and push back hard on your ideas and comments
Many people over the years have researched and written about executive presence and how to develop it (here’s one example). While much of these recommendations hit the mark, I find many still do not. Generally, it involves a far more complex and intricate play of numerous qualities and behaviors than people understand. And for many, adopting behaviors that convey executive presence can be very challenging and anxiety-provoking (even frightening). For instance, they may be strong communicators but grow defensive and angry when their ideas are attacked. Or they may have great new ideas to share but are too shy and reserved (or extremely introverted), finding that speaking in public is too daunting so they shy away from contributing.
To help Janice get in touch with what executive presence means to her, I asked if in the past ten meetings, she’d witnessed any female managers convey the type of presence she was going for. Janice recalled one woman. I probed further and asked, “What exactly did this executive do or say that made you feel she had executive presence?” Janice responded: “She looked like she belonged there.”
So there was the real issue – Janice didn’t quite believe in her heart that she belonged at the executive table.
Once we got to the bottom of the issue, we were able to push forward and help Janice recognize that she did indeed belong there, and had, in fact, always made important and helpful contributions whenever she was there. She was needed and wanted there.
If you struggle with believing you have executive presence, below are three key questions you can ask yourself today that will move you forward in building more of it:
1. Do I have a sufficient mastery of my area and the work I’m responsible for, and do I have the experience, understanding and insight necessary to serve the company well at the executive table?
2. Do I make a positive difference in my work, leveraging what I know in ways that contribute?
3. Is the real reason I think I don’t have executive presence simply about my own internal insecurity and not grounded in the reality of my performance or my abilities?
If you can answer “Yes” to these questions, it’s time to embrace the fact that you DO have the right to sit at the executive table. The organization needs your knowledge and expertise, and you’re not helping anyone by shying away from what you know and offer, or standing up to bravely to share it.
Honor the fact that you belong there and stop fearing that you’re an impostor and don’t have what it takes. Once you realize this, your behavior and demeanor will shift and you’ll grow more powerful, with a stronger presence.
If you answered “no” to any of these questions, it’s not hopeless. There is something you can do. Be proactive to identify exactly what’s in the way of your experiencing more executive presence. Close your specific power gapsand get the support, training and experience you need to grow in your role, build your confidence and authority, and do what’s necessary to feel ready to take your place at the leadership table.
And if your organization and leaders make you feel “less than” and unworthy no matter what you do, it’s time to leave. Move way from a culture that can’t embrace and support you.
For hands-on help to build your executive presence, join Kathy in her coaching program, and tune into her podcast Finding Brave.
Originally published at Forbes