No matter how hard you fight it – I bet you’ve had a few of those ‘prickly pear’ days.
The ones when you wonder if anyone sees the world through the same lens as you.
The ones when you wish you could crawl back under the covers and tell the world to leave you alone. For a while anyhow.
Emotions!
It’s easy – not to mention convenient – to think that we’re complete slaves to what’s going on in our heads. That our mood swings are inflexible, unmanageable aspects of our personality. Great unruly beasts over which we have no control. But actually nothing could be further from the truth.
For example; sour looks, giving someone the ‘silent treatment’, and crashing through the day like a grumpy bear are just a few of the ways we tell the world around us;
“I’m unhappy! And it’s all your fault!”
It can feel thoroughly satisfying to blow off steam, and feel as though you’ve won a small battle – showing who’s Boss. But then the storm passes and the guilt starts to descend. Like a feather drifting downwards in slow motion.
“What if (insert name) was right, after all? Am I being ridiculous?”
“Did I go over the top a bit? Make a fool of myself?”
“Why did I make such a fuss over something so minor?”
Choose Your Battles Wisely
In emotional matters, it’s never about who won the battle. It’s about who realises which battles are worth fighting. And which we must let go of gracefully.
Guess what? You’re master of your own emotions. Really you are! Anger, disappointment, frustration – these are all simply bad weather fronts you can choose to navigate out of. Staying in a negative mindset is always a choice that you make, not one forced upon you.
Seeing The Big Picture
Throughout the day, we constantly assess and analyse people, conversations and situations – deciding which ones to process quickly and which to ponder over or create actions from.
It can be exhausting! And naturally we get things wrong sometimes. We can misjudge the intentions of others or flare up without reason, for example. Alternatively we may overlook really important issues in our hurry to do something urging us in the moment.
Matador Alert!
The next time you feel that familiar swell of indignant emotion, that flushing of the cheeks, that snarly retort just tingling on your lips when someone or something has made you feel overly defensive…STOP for a moment. Rather than allowing an irrational surge of conflicting emotions to throw you off course, try to remember why it’s better to at least acknowledge our personal ‘red rags’ – and then work to de-pressurise the situation.
Here are 5 things to be mindful of;
1. Unhelpful self righteous feelings.
Try to discuss how you feel without inflaming the situation further.
2. The other person’s viewpoint.
You may think you’re right – but are you missing a vital bit of information here?
3. The choice of letting go.
Very few battles on a day to day basis deserve the amount of emotional energy that we waste on them.
Here’s a great question to ask yourself when you’re not sure if something is worth fighting for or not;
“ Will this be important to me in a year’s time?”
If the answer is “No” – then move on gracefully.
4. Allow the positive side of life to flood in again.
Are you dwelling on energy sapping issues? Distract yourself with an activity that makes you feel upbeat and more balanced in your thinking.
5. Remember that you are a perfectly imperfect human being.
– just like everyone else around you! Give yourself some space and let it go!
After a soul searching coaching session with a favourite client recently, we rounded up on on our long Skype discussion.
“You know what?” she said, “One of the best life lessons we can learn is that it’s not all about us!”
Well, bravo to that!
I couldn’t have said it better myself.